1801.
"Galvanize"
~The Chemical Brothers
Who better to pimp the virtues of the wonderful process of galvanizing steel than the Chemical Brothers? A match made in heaven indeed. Come again? Steel Pulse you say? OK, maybe Steel Pulse, but you have to admit the Chemica... what? Who was Steel? OK, well if a band just called Steel exists, then yes, maybe they would be more appropriate, but for the most part the Chemical Br... oh sweet Jesus, what is it now? Dr. Steel? We refuse to believe in a Dr. Steel. What? OK, fine, your little fantasy can continue unabated, and yes, this "Dr. Steel" might be more suited to the task, but the Chemical Brothers also know a thing or two about... FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, PLEASE JUST LET US FINISH OUR THOUGHT! WHAT? DJ Zinc? Oooh, that is a good one. OK, DJ Zinc would be better than the Chemical Brothers. Which begs the question, how could DJ Zinc not have a song called Galvanize, or something thereabouts? It practically lays down the beats itself.
1802.
"Mighty Little Man"
~Steve Burns
1803.
"Love & Pain"
~Clor
1804.
"Walk Like an Egyptian"
~The Bangles
So let us get this straight... we're to believe that the Egyptians, the very same ones that built the great pyramids, the same ones that have been around for thousands of years continuously (the longest of any country in the world, that), the same ones that developed the process of mummification, the same ones that created hieroglyphs; the world's first writing system... we're to believe that they walked around all goofy, with their left arm up more than 90 degrees from its resting position, arm bent, and hand limp, with their right hand the same, but aimed downwards and out, and their head turned sideways towards the leading arm? Really? Because we don't. Honestly, it's asinine. Now, as for the Phoenicians...
1805.
"Feeling No Pain"
~Jason Falkner
1806.
"The Ugly and the Beautiful"
~The Real Tuesday Weld
1807.
"One Hit"
~The Soul of John Black
1808.
"Mr. Oysterhead"
~Oysterhead
OK, let's just come out with. Mr. Oysterhead was a dick, and anyone who had the misfortune of learning how to play the trombone from him knows what I'm talking about, are we right? Hell yeah, we're right. What's that? Oh... we didn't know that. To shreds you say... and the rest of his family? To shreds you say... that's horrible... give our regards too... oh, right.
Still a total dick, though.
1809.
"Peanut Vendor"
~Perez Prado
1810.
"Killing in the Name"
~Rage Against the Machine
1811.
"Wet and Rusting"
~Menomena
It seems, Menomena, that you are a strong candidate for the galvanization process mentioned earlier. Dr. Zinc can tell you all about it with the new single we've convinced him to release 'Cover Yourself in Zinc'.
1812.
"Take the Time"
~Dream Theater
TrunkBunker has some competing advice: speed through it. Taking your time leads to over-analysis, which leads to crippling indecision which leads to you, in a rut. Sound familiar? We say go with the first thing that pops into your mind and live with the consequences. At least that way you're moving forward. It's our motto, and look at us... rich, successful, tall, respected, sexy, powerful, prolific and promiscuous... all words that will probably soon describe us (yes, even tall).
1813.
"Let's Go Everywhere"
~Medeski Martin & Wood
Nice try MMW, but we're onto you. You see, we're asking ourselves 'what's their angle?' because everyone's got an angle, and then it hits us. You'll show us a good time by taking us to the pyramids, and the Dubrovnik Summer Festival, and maybe even the Maggiorino Borgatello Museum in Punta Arenas, and we'll let our guard down and then you'll draw us to the forbidden Garden of Moro Rorro which will turn us all into your zombie slaves. It was a valiant effort, MMW, and you might have gotten away with it if it weren't for us rotten kids.
1814.
"Big Wheel"
~Tori Amos
1815.
"New English"
~Ambulance LTD
Ooh, ooh... we knew this day would come, and have been prepping for it by storing a treasure trove of interesting syllables and unique portmanteaus that we knew would make for great words, all in hopes of this new English presenting itself one day. Words like:
Thinkling - v. Coming up with an idea whilst peeing. While thinkling, Ezekiel solved the Riemann hypothesis.
Requestion - v. To answer a question with another question. He responded to her questions of infidelity by requestioning her fidelity.
Underplund - v. To not quite steal enough. In a rush, he forgot to request the contents of the safe, underplunding his way to a risky, unsuccessful armed robbery.
Uggulahed - v. (past tense of Uggulah) To be stricken with a strange name. Gumis Boriflimosito is used to the double takes and funny looks, having been uggulahed for going on 35 years now.
Baskocity - n. Enjoyment. The level of revel. Julio's baskocity was probably running too high, given the spate of presentations he was due to give the next day, but then, he always comes through.
Nametious - adj. A propensity to name things, like your plants, or your desk of drawers, or your penis. Eli was overly nametious, calling his fern Bruce, his desk of drawers Melinda, and his penis Uncle Leroy.
Flisten - v. The act of pretending to listen. Donegal was an excellent flistener, making good eye contact, nodding, laughing, even a few 'really?'s.
Finanagle - v. The act of asking for money without really asking. Make it clear you need money, but don't specifically ask. This allows, later, for the statement 'I never asked you for anything!'. Georgina finanagled her way into a new car from her parents.
Jimijank - n. A hangar that has been bent straight at the end that would normally caress a clothesbar. Used for, um, poking. Dude, pass us the damn pipe and jimijank.
L.S.T.M. - excl. (for texting with this new English) Laughing Silently To Myself. OMG! TARFU! LSTM
Omuum - n. Cheap jewelry of any kind. Makes it sound more extravagant and opulent, and thus, more important. You can't miss her... she's decked head to toe in omuum.
Threeche' - excl. Trumping a secondary trump (or touche'). You're stupid. You're stupider. Ahhh... touche', but you're even stupider than that. Oooh... threeche'.
Shibbles - n. The balls of a pansy. Little Jaime's shibbles were in his stomach as he ran from the spider.
Pseudocoup n. The subversion of someone after confusing and distracting them with number puzzles. Charlotta pulled off the pseudocoup after Will Shortz released his latest editions.
Nobriety - n. A state of drunkenness reached by showing great willpower and nobility in getting drunk when you just feel like laying on the couch, whether it be because a friend's in town or a friend's down or what-have-you. She's laid out on the floor in nobriety cause Olga's in town... you could learn something from her.
Downbringing - n. A lousy upbringing. He blames his poor parenting on his downbringing.
Cumbungle - v. To stagger one's way through, or make an error in judgment concerning sexual relations. His four kids were mostly a result of some monumental cumbungling on his part.
1816.
"I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues"
~Elton John
1817.
"Lazy Eye"
~Silversun Pickups
All we ask you to do, eye, is carry your weight around here. Is that too much to ask? Why can't you be more like your brother, other eye? He's focused all the time, he rolls easily (important for our dismissive personality), and he can damn sure stay upright. And still you just lounge around in your socket, bloodshot all day, looking at the damn floor. Have you no pride?
1818.
"Boyz"
~M.I.A.
1819.
"Eight Steps"
~Electrelane
You heard us... eight steps, turn, and fire. You want to live through this, or not? What? We know he's taking ten steps, that's precisely why you're taking eight. No, no... it's not cheating... look, you're a lousy shot, you fold under pressure, and he's the best shot in town. If you take ten steps, he's cheating. Having you take eight just makes things fair again. Evens things out. You don't want to die because you got cheated, do you? No, we didn't think so. Now, get out there and shoot like you've never shot like you before.
1820.
"Blue Orchid"
~The White Stripes
1821.
"I Wish, I Wish"
~Cat Stevens
You wish what? Out with it Gato. Do you wish you were a little bit taller? Do you wish your girlfriend was hot like us? Do you wish upon a star? Do you wish you'd thought of that? Do you wish you had a body like ours? Do you wish us a Merry Christmas? Do you wish it would rain down? Do you wish you were here? Damn, do you wish you were our lover? That's it, isn't it? Oh well, as you wish.
1822.
"Rich Girls"
~The Virgins
1823.
"Intelligentactile 101"
~Jesca Hoop
1824.
"Send Me on My Way"
~Rusted Root
Um... OK. Off you go.
1825.
"Mother Father"
~Dave Matthews Band
1826.
"Flowering Spade"
~Sean Hayes
1827.
"California"
~Mason Jennings
TrunkBunker has made some strategic land purchases in the east southeastern California Death Valley area. Foolish, you say? Super savvy, we say. Our studies indicate that when California separates from the United States (whether it becomes an island or just falls into the ocean), the Death Valley area will be the new coastline. And have you seen the price of real estate on the coast of southern California? Exactly.
1828.
"Who Are You?"
~The Who
Ha ha ha. That's funny, Who. Who are we... oh man, that's rich. What? Oh come on now Who, stop playing around, you know who we are. Very funny. What?! It's TrunkBunker Who, don't you recognize us? The lists, the uber-brilliance, the deliberate aloofness? What?! But we stood with you at your ninth wedding! We introduced you at Stufstock! Bah, you know what? Forget you. Oh, and Tommy sucked. Yeah, we said it. It sucked.
1829.
"O Maria"
~Beck
We can only assume, given his astronomical background, that young Mr. Hanson is lamenting the flight of 170 Maria, namesake of the Maria asteroids, and part of the main asteroid belt, between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter. His concern, though, is unwarranted, as unless something knocks it from its orbit (the odds of which are roughly more than one in a billion), it's not heading towards us. So stop freaking people out, Beck. They got enough to worry about, what with the wars and the economy and the dwindling energy supplies... let them have their peace of mind, cosmologically.
1830.
"Remain"
~Jose Gonzalez
1831.
"Last Cup of Sorrow"
~Faith No More
1832.
"From the Devil Himself"
~Viva Voce
1833.
"Sheep Go to Heaven"
~Cake
Yes, thanks to giving the world their Abbaye de Belloc and Idiazabal cheeses. However, their status could come up for review after unleashing Casu Marzu on us. And to answer your stupid question before you ask... no, it will not be applied retroactively to sheep that have already been admitted to heaven, but it could affect those waiting in purgatory for their application to be approved.
1834.
"Middle of the Road"
~The Pretenders
1835.
"Cherry, Cherry"
~Neil Diamond
1836.
"Ghost Country Safari"
~Danny Cohen
TrunkBunker paid major cash for a safari in the ghost country, and while yes, it was neat to get up close to Casper and Patrick Swayze, not to mention feed the ghost of Christmas Past and imperceptibly taunt (don't tell our guides) Gozer the Gozerian, we can't help but feel we're disturbing their natural habitat extremely, to the point they might start dying off... uh, evaporating?
1837.
"Right Here Right Now"
~Jesus Jones
1838.
"One Thing"
~Finger Eleven
Eleven fingers? This means you have six on one hand, yes?.... Hello. Our name is TrunkBunker. You killed our father. Prepare to die.
1839.
"Just a Job to Do"
~Genesis
1840.
"Grey Lagoons"
~Roxy Music
1841.
"Why Can't This Be Love"
~Van Halen
Mostly because of all this hate.... though your pasta fazul certainly has something to do with it. But yeah, predominantly, it's all this hate.
1842.
"I Smell Smoke"
~Mystikal
Uh, nothing to see here. Nothing to smell here. Nothing to partake in here. Move along people
1843.
"Ten Percenter"
~Frank Black
1844.
"Never Talking to You Again"
~Husker Du
Oh come on, Husker Du, be reasonable. OK look, perhaps we were a little harsh earlier when we called you a 'fuck-faced douchebag', and we'll admit 'cocksucker mother fucker' was never going to endear us to you... and yes, it's true, kicking you in the balls was a low-down dirty thing to do... as was stealing your lady... but let's be sensible here. If you never talk to us again, no one will do and say all those horrible things to you, and your ego will run unchecked and you'll get hungry for power and probably turn into a dick who nobody loves... you don't want that, do you, idiot?
1845.
"Money"
~Pink Floyd
1846.
"Heavy Metal"
~Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
An interesting move by CYHSY, naming their song after a genre to which it does not belong. It's been done in other fields to varying degrees of success... for instance, a boy named Sue turned out OK, but only after he beat the crap out of the man who gave him the name. And that girl named Elliott from 'Scrubs' doesn't seem to be horribly maladjusted. Horribly, we said. 'Scary Movie' is a comedy, and not a very good one, but we think it made a decent amount of money. Baby Spice is certainly no toddler, and we're fairly sure she never was, but it's hard to deny the blinding light that was the Spice Girls. Also hard to drive when it's in your face. And of course there's 'The Chicken' dance, which doesn't look anything like a chicken dancing, but does resemble the little shimmy we shake after eating steak. So in that context, it's a raging success, but in it's original setting it was a moderate success popularity wise... an outright failure as far as accuracy is concerned. So we'll see how this 'Heavy Metal' performs. It's off to a wonderful start... it's on this list, after all... but how will time measure it?
1847.
"Stop Draggin' Around"
~Lenny Kravitz
1848.
"Title & Registration"
~Death Cab For Cutie
1849.
"Andy Warhol"
~David Bowie
1850.
"Sunshine"
~Simian
1851.
"5K"
~Matt & Kim
'Oh, a 5K's easy' they told us. 'Just a fun little run, nothing too drastic' they said. Asshole liar fuckfaces, the lot of them. We were left with, at a minimum, severe internal hemorrhaging and bleeding, inexorably fiery diarrhea, a temple-bursting thump in our heads that lasted a fortnight, and a ringing in our ears that was honestly, more of a screaming. Oh, then there was the utter, all-over muscle pain, and the apple sized blisters on our feet. OK, we'll admit, our competitive instincts got the best of us, and maybe we shouldn't have tried to stay in the lead pack for the first quarter kilometer. Still, we're gonna stick with it wasn't our fault, and everyone who told us it would be easy is a dirty mofo.
1852.
"No One Knows"
~Queens of the Stone Age
Don't kid yourselves QOTSA, we know, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. But we know... oh yes, we know.
1853.
"Astair"
~Matt Costa
1854.
"Un Dernier Verre (Pour La Route)"
~Beirut
Decidement, les Bleus sont sur tous les fronts en ce moment et les courbatures se font sentir. Mercredi, les Croix de Savoie disputent leur quatrieme rencontre amicale a l'occasion de la reception des voisins du Servette de Geneve (Ligue 2 Suisse), a 19h00 a Reignier. Pour Steven Inzerillo et ses coequipiers, il sera surtout question de peaufiner encore les derniers reglages. Eh oui, la reprise se rapproche...
1855.
"Rock 'n' Roll Lies"
~Razorlight
1856.
"Shakedown Street"
~Grateful Dead
1857.
"Love Tape (Live & Acoustic)"
~The Pinker Tones
1858.
"Mandinka"
~Sinead O'Connor
1859.
"No Surprises"
~Radiohead
1860.
"The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room"
~Flight of the Conchords
We appreciate it FOTC, and we understand the mistake... our long, luscious, flowing hair, our supple lips, our voluptuous man-boobs, our passion for amaretto sours... but you'll take note of the Adam's apple, the full beard, the bassy voice, and the large groinal bulge... yup, you guessed it (after lots of clues that made it easy), we're not female. But we are beautiful.
1861.
"16 Military Wives"
~The Decemberists
1862.
"Juxtaposed With U"
~Super Furry Animals
Don't feel too bad, SFA. Most anyone, when juxtaposed with us, ends up with negative feelings about their body image. Again, the long, flowing hair, the supple lips, the large groinal bulge... only a few select models and extremely good-looking actors walk away from a juxtaposition with us feeling OK about themselves. That's just the way it is. We would apologize for it, but that's not our style.
1863.
"Don't Cry Sister"
~J.J. Cale
1864.
"It's a Hit"
~Rilo Kiley
But oh what a play by TrunkBunker, who comes up firing from deep in the right field corner to nail Kiley at second base! Maybe the greatest, sexiest throw we've ever seen!
1865.
"Groovin'"
~The (Young) Rascals
1866.
"Billy Breathes"
~Phish
1867.
"Hello It's Me"
~Todd Rundgren
Ugh, we know Todd, and stop calling. Yes, we get the pun, and we put the damn song in our list... but on its own merit. It had nothing to do with your constant harassment, lest you get any other ideas, and potentially, a restraining order.
1868.
"Sunshine Superman"
~Donovan
1869.
"I Wanna Get High"
~Cypress Hill
You and everyone else, Cypress Hill, but who can afford it nowadays? What with the relentless testing, skyrocketing prices, dicey cutting ingredients, pesticides, herbicides, homicides, the dogged pursuit of the law, the price of oil, the collapsing housing market, the fading economy... it's just getting too expensive to get high, and that's a damn shame. Cause you price people out of getting high, and you got a very angry populace. Wars have been started for less.
1870.
"Ain't No Easy Way"
~Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Ha ha ha ha. You hear that? That's us laughing derisively at such a claim. Stop poisoning the minds of our youth, BRMC, there is always an easy way out... and if you're having trouble finding it, then you need to attend our annual seminar, 'TrunkBunker's Annual Seminar on Finding and Taking the Easy Way Out of Things', where you'll learn to blame others for things that were your fault, turn a ten minute break into an hour lunch, finanagle money from others, drug-induced dieting, the ancient art of blackmail, notice and take full advantage of opportunities for the sucker punch, speak the truthiness, the ability to find and take shortcuts and much, much more. So please, BRMC, we'll ask you again. Stop lying to everyone.
1871.
"Spybreak!"
~The Propellerheads
1872.
"Pitseleh"
~Elliott Smith
1873.
"Shades of Brown"
~The Actual Tigers
1874.
"Still... You Turn Me On"
~Emerson, Lake & Palmer
Of course we do, EL&P, of course we do. You can't put your finger on it (though, physically, we are stunning... see previous blurbs for wonderful in-depth descriptions), it's our award-winning personality (seriously, it won an Espy in '88) that you've, for some reason, underestimated. We make you laugh, we make you cry, we make you ponder ponderous proposals, we make you feel better about yourself, and oh yes, still... we turn you on.
1875.
"Run For Your Life"
~The Beatles
1876.
"Lowdown"
~Boz Scaggs
We'd say 80-85% of the time, something like that, we've got the down low on the lowdown... we're hip to the skinny... we've been shoveled the scoop... we've heard the word... we're on the beat, what's the story, rumor us, tuned in to the gossip, whisper whisper shhh..., and had the buzz ringing in our ears. Of that 80-85%, 100% of it gets posted on our blog under a pseudonym we can't divulge for legal reasons... buy you know what it is. You all know what it is.
1877.
"I Will Follow You Into the Dark"
~Death Cab For Cutie
1878.
"Mad Tom of Bedlam"
~Jolie Holland
1879.
"The World Has Turned and Left Me Here"
~Weezer
As your personal trainer and life coach, here's what we would advise you do Weezer... turn around and run after it. The world's not gonna stand still for anyone, that's not what it does. The world keeps moving. You gonna keep up with it, or you gonna fall behind like so many others? Now get going Weezer! You can do it! Catch that world!
1880.
"Volcano"
~Damien Rice
1881.
"Plan A"
~The Dandy Warhols
1882.
"Free Radicals"
~The Flaming Lips
1883.
"Jeopardy"
~Greg Kihn
As many of you probably don't know, TrunkBunker had a less than memorable experience with Mr. Trebek and his show some time ago. We were prepared, having studied rigorously for months leading up to the show, but none of the chosen categories were in our wheelhouse (16th Century Fencing, Famous Pandas, Words that Start With the Letter 'Q'). We managed to struggle through the first two rounds, answering enough questions correctly to avoid elimination, but missing enough to be hovering near zero. Luckily, our opponents, both weak and idiotic, were only slightly ahead of us, and could be surpassed with a correct answer/question and all-in wager during Final Jeopardy... provided they missed theirs and bet enough to fall behind me. Anxiously, I awaited the category... 'The Final Countdown'. Countdown! Why, that's basically the degenerate form of a list! This is in the bag. Go on, Alex. 'In 2001, Sony released a remastered version of Europe's classic album 'The Final Countdown' with these three additional tracks.' OK, OK... we know this. They were just live versions of old songs... What was 'The Final Countdown', 'Carrie', and... and... shit... and... 'Rock the Night'? 'No, we're sorry', he says, full of self-righteous condescension. 'The Final Countdown, Carrie, and Danger on the Tracks'. 'FUCK YOU TREBEK! YOU DISDAINFUL CANUCK! DON'T TALK TO US LIKE WE'RE CHILDREN! YOU DON'T HAVE THE...' and it was at this point we were grabbed by security and escorted off the premises. Not our proudest moment. Oh, not cause of the outburst, no no no. He deserved that shit. Because we missed the answer/question. Should have known that one. Should have known.
1884.
"Bizarre Love Triangle"
~New Order
1885.
"Such Great Heights"
~Iron & Wine
How about this... a cover version of a song that appears earlier on our list. How does this happen, you might ask, if you were the pesky sort who questions our reasoning. Well, assface, we'll tell you. First, a cover song... any cover song... has to be markedly different from the original to make this list. It may be slightly better, but if it's basically a remake of the original, the original makes the list (provided it's deemed good enough). Now, the only caveat to this rule comes from the age of the songwriter, when a song would get written by someone and many artists would release versions of it within a short amount of time. For instance, 'California Soul', originally penned by Ashford and Simpson and released almost simultaneously by The Fifth Dimension and Tammi Terrell and Marvin Gaye. The version we've chosen for this list was released just after those two, by Marlena Shaw. Why? Because it's the best version. Now, as for this particular track, 2 very different versions... 2 very awesome songs.
1886.
"Some Red Handed Slight of Hand"
~Cursive
1887.
"But It's Alright"
~J.J. Jackson
1888.
"Sound and Vision"
~David Bowie
1889.
"Volcano"
~Jimmy Buffet
For those of you that have quit smoking, The Volcano offers a safe, rewarding way to get totally fucked up. See, you never burn the, uh, product to create smoke, you merely heat it to create vapors, which allegedly do not screw up your lungs, but do screw up your mind. Raging success, we say.
1890.
"O Plebeu"
~Jorge Ben
1891.
"The Puppet Show"
~P.M. Dawn
Ah yes, AKA the regime of Reginald Lippingfitter as class president while we were at uni. See, Reggie was a genial cat, a good-looking charmer who wowed the ladies and struck a chord with the lads, a real better-man, if you will. TrunkBunker had yet to blossom into the stalwart you know today, but was still full of grandiose ideas on managing the university populace. In other words, we had the brains, he had the looks (and the charm, and the easy-going way with others), let's make lots of money (and 'lots' was relative to uni days, also, let's make lots of TrunkBunker-benefitting policy change). And so it was that he won the election in a landslide, and the 'Puppet Show', with all its forthcoming brilliance and pratfalls, began. Our demands were swift, practical (to us), and inspired; coed dorms, shorter terms (semesters), more holidays, amendments to the code of conduct, a looser dress code, a bi-annual university-sponsored post-term bash that we cleverly dubbed 'Go to Ale', and the firing of a particularly difficult professor, keen on halting our momentum. Alas, we finally over-stepped our bounds when, drunk with invincibility, we demanded that the president of the university step down for ending 'Go to Ale' early, thanks to an infirmary full of the poisoned-via-alcohol. We had met our match and indeed the end of our illustrious reign, but the Puppet Show was sure fun while it lasted.
1892.
"I Hate Pretending"
~The Secret Machines
But you must. You're the Secret Machines. You're not the 'Regular Machines', you're not the 'Obvious Machines', and you're not the 'Everybody Knows We're Machines' machines... you're the Secret Machines, and it's your obligation... no, it's your duty, to keep that reality under wraps. We're sorry, but you'll have to just keep pretending.
1893.
"Firecracker"
~Voxtrot
1894.
"Willing and Able"
~Prince
1895.
"Sparkle"
~Phish
1896.
"Do You Really Want It?"
~Eric Matthews
It's old, shitty, worthless, ugly, and possibly cursed... of course we want it. We just don't like your price... namely, that you have a price.
1897.
"The Love Cats"
~The Cure
1898.
"Breakfast Club (Feat. Murs & Supernatural)"
~Z-Trip
The first rule of breakfast club, is no one talks about breakfast club. The second rule of breakfast club is no one talks about breakfast club. The third rule of breakfast club is no salads allowed.
1899.
"Ebin"
~Sublime
1900.
"Who Me?"
~KMD
Yes you. Couldn't be! Then who? YOU stole the cookie from the cookie jar...