TrunkBunker Home

801. "Testimony"

~The Actual Tigers

TrunkBunker had to give testimony once in a long and arduous case of the heebeejeebees. We knew, though, and we testified to it, that it was really just a case of mistaken identity. In the end, everyone was awarded a case of beer, then, within two hours, slapped with a case of indecent exposure. Fun day, really.

804. "Everything I Cannot See"

~Charlotte Gainsbourg

The French, when speaking English, don't like to use contractions. Especially French women with one English parent, and, mostly in song titles. For example: this song. When another example comes along, we'll let you know... but we feel totally safe with this generalization.

807. "Let's Get Tall"

~The Hosty Duo

This confounds and angers TrunkBunker. There is no way to get tall, and if there was, we would have discovered it through our years of stretching and jumping and crying gently to ourselves about it. Yeah, maybe we should have stopped before that last one, but TrunkBunker lays bare for all to see. We don't repress... well, we used to... we lacked confidence because we couldn't get tall, but then we discovered alcohol and its' ism and we suddenly had all the confidence we'd never had. And while it started our liver problems and anger issues, it ended our repressions. Seems a fair trade.

So now you see, if this Mr. Hosty has discovered a means to get tall, we're going to be pissed and disappointed. We might even suffer a regression to repression... ah, who are we kidding. Gold like 'regression to repression' can only come from special, special minds. We know that. Screw being tall. You hear that Hosty... screw you and your tallness.

810. "Booty"

~Erykah Badu

TrunkBunker would like to officially nominate 'booty' for the best word in the English language. That's right, better than homunculus, better than worcestershire, even better than pelicula (we know, we know, it's Spanish, but we adopted it as an English word here at TrunkBunker HQ because of its' awesomnity... so much so that the words 'film' and 'movie' are dead to us).

So why 'booty'? Well, first of all, just listen to it. It's a silly little word, and it's probably the diminutive of bootylicious, which is, of course, totally outstanding. Then, take into account both of its' meanings... one means butt, as in big old booty, which then extrapolates to sex, as in get some booty. Sex is of course a very fun thing that we highly recommend. Booty's other meaning is treasure, as in pirate booty. Money, cash, scrilla... you name it, booty covers it. So there you have it... greatest... word... ever.

812. "Medicated to Excellence"

~Stevedore

Interesting. TrunkBunker is dedicated to excellence, so much so that we have to be medicated as a precautionary measure against too much excellence. Keeps us in touch with our average, which we need now and again... at least according to our idiot therapist. Anyone else have this problem?

815. "Wait in a Line"

~Now It's Overhead

Just before 'getting punched repeatedly in the groin' but just after 'bathing in hydrochloric acid' on TrunkBunker's list of 'Things We Hate the Most in the Whole World' comes 'waiting in line'. We often go without food for days so that we can afford to pay for preferred seating at your airports or peliculas or, somewhat ironically, restaurants. At the grocer we enter the express line regardless of how many items we're purchasing. Now and then someone throws a fuss, but nothing that a swift judo kick or TrunkBunkerian nerve pinch can't diffuse. Unless of course you get punched repeatedly in the groin before you can go on the offensive. We might have to re-address our list... at the time of the groin-punchings, waiting in line seemed a slightly better option. Slightly.

820. "Rock Your Socks"

~Tenacious D

The Baltimore Ravens are typically known for their tenacious d, but we feel, after years of dominance, they're going to start fading back into the middle of the pack. They should have respectable o now, though. Not as great for naming bands, but for them, a step in the right direction.

825. "Both Hands"

~Ani DiFranco

TrunkBunker has accomplished many things with both hands tied behind our back. A mini-list: Our taxes (used our nose), Co-wrote a thesis on the ability of humans when the odds are stacked against them. Synthesized the active ingredient in Guananium. Pulled off the septuple headspin. Stopped three penalty kicks. Made our famous paella. Discovered cold fusion (OK, one hand was kind of loose... but it was still technically tied). Whittled ourselves a pan flute. Juggled three tennis balls. Solved the Goldbach Conjecture (and turned down the prize money... we did it for fun). Wrestled an alligator, and finally, made ourselves some alligator skin shoes. And since we're certain none of you believe any of this, you can witness all of it, in our upcoming pelicula, 'Check Out All the Stuff We Can Do With Both Hands Tied Behind Our Back', due out... hold on... really? OK, due out in 35 years! Watch for it.

829. "There's Always Someone Cooler Than You"

~Ben Folds

WHAT?! BULLSHIT! WHERE?! Excuse us will you? We have a phone call to make.... 'Guido... it's us. We have a... situation. Yes, you could say that. We agree, it's unacceptable. OK, hold on... it's 123 Fake Street. What? How do you know it's not really.... OH McBALLSONFACE! VAN TWINKLESNATCH! MOTHERFUCKER!!!... even worse than someone being cooler than us... WE'VE BEEN HAD! Guido... plan B...

833. "Born in the U.K."

~Badly Drawn Boy

Feel free to rest on your laurels while TrunkBunker seizes on the opportunity to compare the artists behind 'Born in the U.K.' and 'Born in the U.S.A.'... the aforementioned Badly Drawn Boy and Bruce Springsteen.

First, nicknames. One is, well, Badly Drawn Boy. The other is 'The Boss'. Hmmm... 'The Boss' is very American. Proud. Macho. The slightest bit arrogant. 'Badly Drawn Boy' is typically English. Self-deprecating. Punny. Let's be honest... it's too tough to call, so we'll pronounce it a draw. Next, music. Springsteen's library is well known. Like his nickname, it's proud, it's American. It's brilliant. Badly Drawn Boy's library is underappreciated and overlooked by many, but is equal in its' magnificence. Again, a draw. Hometowns? Breightmet in Bolton, Lancashire for Badly Drawn Boy vs. Freehold Borough in Monmouth County, New Jersey. Ummm... draw. OK, there's got to be something to separate them... and here it is... Badly Drawn Boy's 'Born in the U.K.' is a tribute to Springsteen, who the former worshipped whilst growing up. Advantage Springsteen. But the pupil/admirer has come a long way.

841. "The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth"

~Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

TrunkBunker would like to reach out to the boys of Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. See, we too were once afflicted with yellow country teeth. Mostly, we assume, from the polluted country air, but it doesn't matter now. Not since we had a smile makeover, a combined process of teeth whitening, porcelain veneers (some teeth were too far gone), dental implants, crowns, composite bonding, and tooth-colored fillings. Now, not only are our teeth white, but no one suspects we're from the country anymore. You can't put a price on it (well, they did, but it was worth it).

845. "Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered"

~Ella Fitzgerald

Few know that Ella actually ad-libbed the title verse, preferring it to the interesting but probably ill-fated 'Bespectacled, Besmirched & Besotted'.

851. "Sexx Laws"

~Beck

Like, for instance, pigs are not allowed to have sex on airport property in Kingsville, TX. Or, there is no age of consent in Japan. In Willowdale, OR, no man may cuss while having sex with his wife. Lebanon holds that it is legal to have sex with an animal, as long as that animal is female... sex with male animals is punishable by death. In Tremonton, UT, it is illegal for a woman to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance... and if caught, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper... the man's will not. In Nevada, it is illegal for any member of the legislature to conduct official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in session. Liverpool allows for topless saleswomen, but only in tropical fish stores or when handling foreign money in a bank. It's illegal to copulate in any position but missionary in Virginia. Singapore counts oral sex as being illegal, unless, of course, it's part of foreplay. A strange set of circumstances for Beck to pay homage to... then again, he is Beck.

854. "When the Stars Go Blue"

~Ryan Adams

Oh no! We love the Stars!? The same Stars that moonlight in the Broken Social Scene? The same Stars that sing 'The Night Starts Here'? We love the Stars! Quick, someone give them the heimlich! Or CPR! Hurry!

856. "Why Get Up"

~Robert Palmer

Aside from having to bathe with wipes, we can't give a good answer to that one, Robbie. See, we don't get up here at TrunkBunker. Our laptop computers are wirelessly connected to the internet. Our food is delivered daily, and seeing as we've been housed in a teensy studio apartment, we can reach the door from the bed. The contents of the bedpan are thrown out the door as well. And thanks to a fantastic blackmail scheme we've concocted, our insurance is taken care of... and it's of such quality that our doctor makes house calls. Why get up, Robert Palmer, why get up indeed.

859. "Stay Out of Trouble"

~Kings of Convenience

We try Kings of Convenience, we really do. OK, so yeah, we called the local Oklahoma Sooner supporters club 'stupid punk bitches', but we weren't expecting trouble because they're stupid. And their punks. And their bitches. What part of that is troublesome? So we're sorry, Kings of Convenience. We're sorry we got tossed in the slammer for responding to their unprovoked attacked by beating them mercilessly. It won't happen again.

861. "Slow Hands"

~Interpol

TrunkBunker is renowned for its' slow hands, particularly when it comes to love making. For more, you'll have to purchase our recently released coffee table book, 'Our Art, Featuring The Sensual Art of Slow Hands and the Regular Arts of Origami and Watercolor' (budget cutbacks called for knocking out three birds with only the one stone... still... at least the first three chapters concern the art of slow hands, and you could learn a lot... PLEASE BUY IT!).

864. "Black Stacey"

~Saul Williams

Saul's tribute to Stacey King, NBAer ordinaire. His excellence was such that on TrunkBunker's only visit to the old Chicago Stadium, two season ticket holders seated directly behind us implored him to shoot it whenever he touched it. 'Shoot it Stacey!' they would call out, even after a defensive rebound. Now, TrunkBunker knows a thing or two about basketball, and a full court shot following a defensive rebound would be what they call 'poor shot selection'... so for these Bulls fans, who clearly know their own team, to clamor for such a shot speaks to the confidence they must have had in Mr. King to make it. Also, they were very, very drunk.

But it makes us wonder, aside from Chicago Stadium and venerable Kitchen Stadium, has anyone else ever heard of an indoor arena that was called a stadium? This perplexes TrunkBunker... your input is welcome and required.

869. "Question (Original Version)"

~The Moody Blues

To TrunkBunker, the 'Moody Blues' sound like a glum and dour lot... a rather disagreeable experience altogether. We got a question for you, Moody Blues... why so Moody, huh? Why so blue? What's the world done to you. OK, that's three questions, but they're all really extensions of one. We await your answer.

872. "Snooks (Progress Report)"

~Elbow

Yes, Comrade Elbow. Our troops have advanced past the wrist and have moved onto the hand. The fingers and all their possessions and experience shall soon be yours.

875. "Two of Us"

~The Beatles

The answer to many a posed question over the years, like 'How many of you idiots is it gonna take to change this lightbulb?', or 'How many of you idiots is it going take to solve this cold fusion dilemma?' Also, there's 'How many photos were taken, and of who?' (of course, this version would require a comma... two, of us... but it still works). Then there's the classic 'OK, so how many people here didn't sleep with my wife/husband?'

878. "This Town"

~The Bees/A Band of Bees

... is populated by miscreants and demons who feast on the souls of the abiding and lay waste to everything in their path. That being said, it's oceanfront... have you seen the property values? Through the roof.

880. "True Love Waits"

~Radiohead

FOR NO ONE! Oh, maybe that was a little harsh. Let's put it this way... you have a small window of time to convince true love to stick around, and if you hesitate, that window closes. That seems nicer, doesn't it. Now, don't dally.

887. "Who Needs Shelter"

~Jason Mraz

Pretty much every human being alive. It's kind of a key to survival. But you go ahead young ergonaut. Maybe you'll be the first person ever to be able to go without. We like your chances.

890. "These Eyes"

~The Guess Who

... were built with lasers to dissolve our foes if they cross us and crush those who would deny us the things we seek. Hey, you don't like it, get yourself some. Technology's movin', time to keep up.

894. "Ventura Highway"

~America

TrunkBunker applauds the trend of naming roads/highways/boulevards after fictitious characters de pelicula. What better way to remember them? Ace Ventura got his, Harry Potter got his (Potter Lane in Wellow, Nottinghamshire), and Han Solo got his (in the Timberwood Park area of San Antonio, TX). Northwest London's Northwood neighborhood gives homage to Apollo Creed with Apollo Avenue, and lastly but certainly not leastly, Bender Bending Rodriguez is immortalized by Bender Lane next to the Quail Creek Golf Club in St. Louis, Missouri.

So what kind of idea-backers would we be if we didn't offer some suggestions? Lousy ones, that's what. And we're not lousy at anything (previous statement is the opinion of the proprieters of this website and not its' hosts, family members, friends, or anyone else it knows).

Sticking with the Rocky theme, Clubber Lane could be in Mr. T's (and Clubber's) hometown, Chicago, while certainly there should be a Lois Lane in Metropolis, Illinois. Rue Millman would fit in Paris thanks to Ricky Gervais' French background. Ricky Road should run right through the heart of Moncton, New Brunswick, while Jemain Street should cut through Wellington, New Zealand (in honor of the fictitious part of his persona). Hmmm... it's come to our attention that we have thousands of these. We'll stop there for now, but only because we could literally do this for months.

900. "Break My Heart"

~Malcolm Middleton

We could never break your heart, Mr. Middleton. You mean too much to us, damnet. Nope, if you want out of this relationship you're going to have to break ours. We dare you.