So, whether you call them kits, or jerseys, or uniforms, or even trikots (that one's for you, Gunther), we can all agree, some look better than others. Now, as fashion is as subjective as opinions get (see: 1980's, clothing), what with one man's trash being another man's booty (oh, and now seems a good time to mention that whenever the word "treasure" appears in our conversational gobbledygook, it will always be replaced with "booty"... just seems right, you know? Go ahead, try it. Loads of fun, that), we should allow that we prefer the risk-takers. Plain and boring eliminates that risk, and thus, unless supremely classy, will be ignored. Sure, most of the kits/jerseys/uniforms on our list of horribleness were also risk-takers, it's just, well, they got it all wrong. So, without further adieu, commence to arguing:
Top 50 Kits/Jerseys/Uniforms
1. Team Canada Hockey
From 1961, the greatest jersey of all time.
2. St. Paul Saints
So, and we ask because this happened to a friend of ours... is
it weird to get aroused by a jersey? We told him it was perfectly
normal and he had nothing to be ashamed of even though he
feels odd and somewhat confused by it.. you know, let's just
move on.
3. U.C. Sampdoria
Old school football/soccer. Looks hot, both in temperature
and attitude.
4. Oklahoma City Blazers
A minor league hockey team from Oklahoma City. Who'da
thunk it?
5. Adelaide Crows
Bold. Daring. Sleek lines. Vibrant colours. Smashing.
6. Harlequin F.C.
We have to admit... if someone had come to us with this idea, we
would have first told them to go to hell, before mocking them and
moving on to something better. Would that be rude?
7. Victoria Cubs
Dipping into the (previous) depression era, because
comprehensive is more than just some word people like to use
on resumes... it's an attitude.
8. R.C.A.F. Flyers
Check out the Royal Canadian Air Force rockin' these sweet
threads! Right, technically, this particularly photo is a mannequin
rockin' these sweet threads... so you'll have to use your
imagination a little bit. Ah screw it... check out this mannequin
rockin' these sweet Royal Canadian Air Force threads!
9. AC Dukla Praha
AKA Dukla Prague, a wonder during their 1960's heyday (even
barnstorming in NYC) before falling on hard times. They've
recently reformed, and have stormed up to the 2nd division
of Czech football. Beware.
10. Leones Negros de la U de G
Sure, the club is now defunct, but their legend lives on, through
these bitchin' kits.
11. Pumas de la UNAM
Added points for the excellently ubiquitous logo, and
though this one is a goalkeeper's shirt, it's awesomeness
cannot be denied.
12. Minneapolis Millers
Stupefied yet delighted that this one made it past the design
stage.
13. HC Sparta Praha
First Pilsner, now bitching shirt designs. The Czechs have a
lot to offer the world.
14. Vancouver Canucks
One of their many swanky 70's designs... some of
them horrible, yes, but some of them brilliant.
15. Scotland Football/Soccer Team
Major points for originality in an era of copycat,
sponsor-infected hooey (that's right... hooey).
16. Dayton Gems
After recovering from the vertigo induced by staring too long
at this shirt, we came to the obvious, and ultimately, only
conclusion we could... these jerseys are fucking awesome.
17. Chicago Hornets
This one's in Snoop Dogg's closet. Do we really need to
say anything else?
18. Philadelphia Flyers
One of the few to stand the test of time.
19. United States Soccer/Football Team
The best of many decent versions.
20. Cincinnati Kids
The Cincinnati Kid starred Steve McQueen, who also starred
in Papillon, a prison-break epic, which inspired these sweet
uniforms maybe?
21. Aston Villa
Not only the originators of the ever-popular claret
& blue colour scheme, but also the sleeves-torso
duality.
22. New York Americans
Old school wool hockey... because that's how we roll.
23. Atlantic City Seagulls
Not easy to achieve awesomeness in a jersey when it looks like
your "special" 2 year old drew the logo, but hot damn if the
Seagulls didn't pull it off.
24. St. Paul Saints
One team, two very different jerseys in the top 25. Less than
a decade after wearing the brilliance that can be found at
number two, they had a re-design and came up with this
number. Not too shabby, wethinks.
25. Detroit Lions Throwback
We didn't expect to like this one as much as
we do... but what can you do?
26. Houston Astros
Circa 1980, and who can forget these?
27. Hungary Hockey Team
Oooh... the diagonal stripe. Bold.
28. HC Dukla Jihlava
Czechs making a strong showing.
29. Team Russia Hockey
Yes yes, technically the Soviet Union... but as they don't exist
anymore, we'll give Russia the props.
30. New York Golden Blades
Short-lived WHL team left their mark with some
serious duds.
31. California Golden Seals
Weren't originally green and yellow, until Oakland
A's owner Charlie Finley, who apparently had some
sort of Oedipal complex towards the colour scheme,
bought them.
32. Atlanta Chiefs
Famous South African club Kaizer Chiefs were founded by
former Atlanta Chiefs player Kaizer Motaung, who used Atlanta's
nickname and logo for his own. Kaizer Chiefs the football
club gave rise to Kaiser Chiefs the band and there you have it.
33. Montreal Canadiens
Hasn't changed much over the years... hasn't needed to.
34. Chicago Sting
Named after the movie, The Sting, which was set in
Chi-town.
35. Lethbridge Native Sons
Such a strange jersey... and yet... we love it so.
36. The Netherlands Football/Soccer Team
This beauty's from 1974, worn by the legendary Johan Cruyff.
37. A.S. Roma
This version's from 1979, but they're all basically variations
on the same theme. That being said, this one's kinda awesome,
dontcha think?
38. F.C. Kaiserslautern
Abbreviated FCK, which, in English, is bitchin'. Oh, and this is their
'06-'07 away shirt. Today's is infinitely more boring.
39. Calgary Boomers
There's just something about this swanky 70's number and it's
yellow and brown colour scheme.
40. Ottawa Nationals
OK, we admit it... we must have a thing for horizontal stripes...
but we can assure you... it's purely subconscious.
41. Washington Bullets
We suppose changing their name was in the cards, what
bullets being the stuff of guns, being the stuff of shooting
stuff, being the... well, that's pretty much it. But shooting
stuff is bad, mmKay? But to the Wizards? It's either a) dorky,
straight from the dungeons of dragons, or b) racist, what with
the grand wizard of the KKK and all. Bad choice D.C. Bad choice.
42. Club America
This shirt itself is quite spectacular, but the ubiquitous
"bimbo" across the front makes it all the better.
43. Sliema Wanderers
Yes, this was the only photo we could find, so you'll have to use
your imagination a wee bit. And while you're visualizing, try to think
of it as the 43rd best kit ever. That should help.
44. Vancouver Whitecaps
This is the old NASL version, and it's simplicity should
be hailed.
45. Kansas City Pla-Mors
So we did some research, and they were named after the newly
opened arena, the Pla-Mor Ice Palace, which was itself part
of a larger complex (including the Pla-Mor Ballroom and Pla-
Mor Swimming Pool). As to how the complex got it's name, we
haven't the foggiest idea.
46. Argentina Basketball Team
Is Visa still around? The only downside to this spectacular number.
But they went out of business, right?
47. Philadelphia Atoms
OK, so this one goes against our bold and daring statement at
the opening of this piece, but just look at it for awhile. You
feel that? You feel yourself getting sucked in? Us too. Pray you
make it out.
48. United States Hockey Team
It makes sense, we suppose, that with Nike's gajillions behind them,
the States would turn out a sweet jersey or two.
49. Kansas City Scouts
Before they moved to the Garden State, the New Jersey Devils
were known as the Kansas City Scouts... and wore much sweeter
shirts.
50. Capreol Millionaires
Depression-era hockey from northern Ontario (hence the
Millionaires name). Classy.