Movies/TV
OK, let's face it... we're in the 21st century. The 21st century people! And yet, we've
got that 20th century funk all over us... like we're afraid, or too lazy, to wash it off. Well,
we're here to tell you... we're not lazy enough! It's time to sever the chord people, and
let loose some of the more tedious, trivial, and frankly, superfluous habits of our
predecessors, and step into this new era freely, arms akimbo to embrace its' limitless
possibilities. Yes, yes... we agree... we have begun taking baby steps in the right
direction... but it's time to leap... no... get in our cars and floor it... and start
acting like the 21st centurions that we are.
What habits? We're glad yet angry you asked. Cooking for ourselves, for one. Time-consuming,
arduous, and soooo 20th century. Exercise. Why haven't we invented a machine to do it for us?
We hereby commission this task (though, uh, don't expect to be paid with actual money, but
rather, the emotional kind that comes with helping us humans remain [or become] the beautiful
people we deserve to be with very litte effort involved... we can't think of anything more
rewarding than assisting us in fulfilling our destiny... got to be worth oodles of emotional
cash). Cleaning. Here's our 21st century suggestion: throw out everything you can (and if
anyone complains about it... and this is the best part... tell them to "get with the
times"), then, when the clutter becomes obtrusive, sign up for one of those
we'll-clean-your-house shows that proliferate the bitchin' reality airwaves... thus
realizing another right of every 21st century person... the right to be on TV. And finally,
entertaining ourselves. Thankfully, we've quickly begun to move away from the unnecessary,
and let's face it... hard, task of keeping ourselves from being bored. It's just too much
to ask. Lucky for us, then, that the people in Hollywood and Bollywood, and even pockets of
them in London, Paris, Toronto, New York, Munich, Austin, Vancouver, Mexico City,
Wellington, Buenos Aires, Berlin, Sydney and Amsterdam, to name a few, realized this
quickly, and have been working hard for us, the 21st century peoples of the world, for
some time. That being said, we can't be alone in finding fleeting moments in time where we
find ourselves bored, and now that we're stewing on it, we've reached the point of near
hysteria. It's exceedingly unacceptable. Is it too much to ask, fellow 21st century bad-asses,
to never be bored? We think not. And this desire alone, more than anything else, makes us
21st century people.
Still, we'd be remiss if we didn't discuss, and.. what the hell, list, the attempts at
entertaining us that have already come. Some day we'll look back on them as our first steps
into a brave, new, convenient, acceptable world. If only they'd made, say, Dr. Strangelove
30 hours long instead of two. Or had Simpsons marathons running all day, every day, sans
advertisements (a Simpsons channel maybe? Hmmm... we might have to get Mr. Groening on the
speed dial... if only he knew we existed), then maybe, maybe we'd be approaching something
that could pass for satisfactory.
Break free the shackles of your 20th century ideals, fellow citizens! Move forward into the
new era we so obviously deserve! And oh, if you haven't seen anything mentioned here... go
rent or buy it on DVD and watch it. A) You'll be entertained. B) DVD is great (and blu-ray
is even greater) for the on-the-go 21st centurion. Thank us later.